I wrote this after that one post you`ll see some day, you will reconize it because it says: ¨Today: 20/01/2013¨ in the first line.
My birthday it`s close. I`m turning fifthteen, you know, I don`t want parties, gifts, I just want it to pass quikly, without a sound, I just want to hear him saying: Happy Birthday!, for real, I want him to be trustfull, honest, I want real friends, more selfestime, more happyness, Iwant to feel pain,stop being numb. Is this too much for a simple birthday between many?
20 January, 2013
That's the kind of friendship they've showed, I can see it, clear as water, they've destroyed me one and over and over and over again. That's what they are silly souls, all shattered, they've killed me so many times... Just can't take it I've become numb from inside out, is not that I don't feel, is that I can't feel like before, no pain, no sadness, no love, maybe laught, but I'm an empty cup at the end of the day. He does too, he destroys me too, he does it, and it looks so easy, so simple. Maybe it is my fault, maybe it isn't, nobody knows for sure.
I have a problem, damn it, I overthink about everything, well not everything, just about him, and I that fucking pain that I feel, I feel it everyday it's like if I were an empty cup. I've become numb to the outside, but inside I'm crying, it's painful it really is. I don't know if it is love anymore, maybe I'm obsesed, It could be, someone told me already that this isn't love, is something else... I asked what, but he didn't say, he didn't wanted to. Am I sick? Am I okeay? What is wrong with me? I would like to achieve my dreams, but I feel like they are really far, everything I want just goes away; why? Am I that self-destructive? Why do I feel this pain coming out from my chest? I want to cry but I hold back my tears, acting every day, I deserve an oscar, can't let myself fall because if I did wouldn't be a way out.
25 July, 2012
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